All people dream – but not equally. Those who dream by night in the haze of their subconsciousness wake in the morning to find voidness. But the dreamers of the day – those are the ones that dream with open eyes and gaze at the stars. Those who are in touch with their truth. And those who won’t stop dreaming until it’s their reality.
With 2022 ending, I close the chapter on one of the most life-changing years of my life. Around this time last year, I deeply anchored the wish of wanting to give my life another, and what I for sure know now final, alteration: to get myself into medical school and become a doctor. Coming from a business background and having done seemingly everything that was as far away from practical medicine as it possibly could, I found myself in a position where I got extremely unhappy with what I was doing. I felt like I didn’t pursue my life’s passion, I was trying so hard to get a foot into the business world while my heart was totally not into it. More and more, I felt like I owed myself at least the try to turn my eyes onto my childhood dream of studying medicine. I knew I would regret it if I didn’t. If you never try, you never know. I knew it was going to be tough, and at this point I had no idea if it was just a foolish thought or if I would actually be up for it. But every morning when I woke up, a voice in my head said “Yes, you will study medicine, no matter what or how long will take. Because if you don’t, you are just fooling yourself into living a life that is not actually yours.”
Looking back now, it was the first time where I actually took control of my life and manifested my life’s purpose and passion. It suddenly all made sense – I found my whole being starting to bloom as I was merely at the very start of preparing myself for entrance exams. Back then, and even more so now, I find that all my character traits fit into at least one aspect that the field of medicine encapsulates – the deep wish to aid people that can’t help themselves anymore, the hunger to indulge into life long learning, the feeling of empathy, and the silent acknowledgment of life’s finiteness. For a decade now, I mourned the loss of a loved one and quite frankly lost myself not only once but a couple times in the process of healing. I had absolutely no clue about where my life was taking me, how I could acquire confidence when I constantly felt pressured to fit into a frame I could never possibly fit into. I had so many questions, so many nights where I turned myself in my bed just begging for answers. The turmoil I carried with me over all these years made me wonder where my place in this world is. And from this turmoil stemmed a lot of unhappiness, unrest and the absence of internal peace. Having achieved a spot in medical school answered a lot of questions for me. For the first time in my life, I feel like I belong somewhere and that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Medicine helps me cope with life, and immerse myself in phenomena that are bigger than all of us. It brought me the internal peace I was questing over all these years.
2022 saved my life in many ways. I didn’t stop working until my vision became my reality. I wake up every morning now full of thankfulness that I have the chance to do what I’ve always wanted with my life. Nonetheless, I don’t regret what I’ve done up to this point – I got to know myself very well these past years, achieved two degrees, made up a lot of time with my family, fell in love and found home. I utterly believe everything happened the way it was supposed to. By knowing what I don’t want in life, I couldn’t be more certain now about what I do want. I know that if I hadn’t taken this step of starting over, I wasn’t truly living my life. At the end of the day, we have to be at peace with the decisions we’ve made over the course of our lives, and we need to be in touch with our truth. The society we live in today allows almost anyone to portray a life that seems dream worthy from the outside. We can lie to the world of who we are, but the only ones we can’t lie to are ourselves. We will be the only ones living our lives, and we need to make peace with our minds early on. Don’t waste your time wanting to please others. Most have no clue who they are and what they want in life – or worse, are too afraid to pursue it. Those will always stay dreamers of the night.
Dream with your eyes wide open – live your dream and don’t dream your life.There are endless opportunities that are just waiting to be taken. And if there is an inner voice that you’ve been ignoring until it becomes too loud to ignore, listen to it. You know best what you are meant to do with your life. Of course, nothing comes easily and the foundation of all success is hard work. But working hard is only the action that you see on the outside, the true spark ignites within yourself and enables you the achieve the seemingly unachievable.
Thank you 2022, for challenging me, for bringing me to the edge, for making me appreciate that I’m still young and that I have time, for moments of highs and lows and for being the year where things finally felt right.
Happy 2023. May this new path be laid upon health, happiness and moments to remember.
Love always,
Joana
Joana Serein 